I want to admit something.

I started writing this blog by trying to make a list of all of the external influences kids might have in their lives these days.

The beginning of the list is obvious: parents, teachers, coaches, and friends.

But after this, the list spiraled out of control.

Maybe you know what I mean.

It turned into this massive group of online people and platforms that included content creators, influencers, doomscrolls, and a whole list of accounts and apps that I increasingly have no idea about.

As a parent, one of the most significant challenges is keeping track of everything coming into our children’s lives.

Do we even know the whole list? Almost surely not.

And that might feel overwhelming.

But one of my favorite ways to think about this challenge is cultivating positive “third voices” in our children’s lives.

Let me explain…

The Three Voice Framework

There are at least three types of “voices” shaping our kids and how they think about the world:

1st Voice: Parents/guardians. By far the most important and influential voice in any child’s life.

2nd Voice: Inner-circle adults like grandparents, extended family members, or trusted teachers and coaches. These are adults who know your child, see them consistently, and care about their development.

3rd Voice: Everything else. Culture, media, friends, peers, random influences competing for your child’s attention.

The third voice is massive, and it’s unwieldy. It changes constantly and sometimes comes from places we can’t control or predict.

Kids are naturally wired to seek out voices from people just a few steps ahead of them on life’s journey.

They’re looking for guidance from someone who’s “been there” recently enough to relate, but far enough along to represent something worth aspiring to.

The question isn’t whether your child is finding third voices.

The question is what kind of third voice they’ll choose to listen to.

The first thing to do, of course, is set up sensible guardrails. We can and should put reasonable boundaries in place for what our kids are exposed to.

The next thing we can do is fill as much of the remaining space as possible with positive role models.

Camp As A Third Voice

If you take a stroll through camp on any summer day, or watch the daily videos we sent home all summer, you’ll notice something:

A ton of positive third voice interactions. It’s just the way camp is set up.

Sitting with counselors at meals, talking about the day or the special activity that can only happen at camp.

Getting instruction on water skiing or archery from a 21-year-old who knows how to make it feel fun and accessible.

Counselors speak a kid’s language (they somehow know how to use “6-7” in a sentence), while also modeling the character you hope to see.

Our staff have chosen to spend a summer making an impact, often passing up internships or other job opportunities.

And I could go on and on about our staff, which I’ve done when talking about role models at camp.

Rest assured, they are just the kind of third voices you want in a kid’s life.

Why This Works

The kid-adult credibility gap is real, and it’s hard to bridge. Those first and second voices in kids lives are necessary. They are the most important of all.

But, at times, they aren’t as relatable. No way around it.

A 20-year-old counselor? That’s different. They remember what it felt like to grow up, be nervous, and feel a bit confused at times.

They get the jokes, references, understand the social stuff, and speak the language.

But unlike the online voices competing for attention, these staff know your child’s name, and most importantly, want to learn about them as individuals.

For a few weeks, camp becomes an intentionally positive third voice.

One that says, “I believe in you. I see your potential. You can do hard things. And I understand what ‘buns’ means when you say it.”

That’s a great voice to hear.

Erec Sir