Imagine if we taught swimming this way: watch a video, have a conversation, and take a quiz about swimming.

At some point, we’ve got to get in the water.

Growing up works the same way.

For most of childhood, we give kids a pretty straightforward set of expectations:

Get good grades. Stay out of trouble. Do your homework. Be nice to people.

If they can manage to do that, they’re doing pretty well!

But when they turn 18, we suddenly expect a lot more from them. They need to manage their own schedules, make good decisions, solve problems, navigate relationships, and take responsibility for themselves.

How can we expect kids to make that jump without giving them opportunities to practice along the way?

Snowplowing vs. Lighthousing

One of the hardest parts of parenting is knowing when to step in and when to step back.

As adults, we’re awesome at solving most problems our kids encounter. We’ve had a lot more practice!

Forgot your homework? We can bring it.

Having trouble with a friend? We can call their parents.

Something didn’t go your way? We can probably fix it.

Snowplowing describes our desire (we all have it!) to clear obstacles out of our children’s paths before they encounter them.

Lighthousing is different.

A lighthouse doesn’t follow the ship out to sea, removing every obstacle along the way. It provides a steady source of guidance and safety while allowing the ship to explore on its own.

Our job isn’t to prepare the road for the child. It’s to prepare the child for the road.

That means allowing kids to encounter some manageable challenges, even when we know we could make things easier.

They have to do some of the “doing”.

A Place to Practice

At camp, kids get to practice a whole bunch of things that don’t show up on a report card.

They have to manage their belongings. Make new friends. Speak up when they need something. Navigate disagreements with cabinmates. Decide which activities to try. Figure out what to do when things don’t go their way.

Sometimes it’s not perfect, and that’s okay.

Mom and Dad aren’t there to step in, which means the experience belongs to the camper.

They get to be the one making the decisions, solving the problems, and discovering what they’re capable of.

The stakes are relatively low. The support is close by. And most of camp is pure fun, anyway.

When campers come home, they will have lots of stories.

Some will be about swimming, games, and new friends.

Some will be about things that went wrong.

And at least a few will be about how they figured something out for themselves. (“This crazy thing happened!” “omg you won’t believe it!”)

Those are the stories that build real confidence.

Before They’re 18

Eventually, our kids are going to encounter problems we can’t solve for them.

They’ll have a challenging roommate, a complicated relationship, a decision that doesn’t have an obvious right answer.

We can’t make those moments disappear.

But we can help them be ready.

And that preparation doesn’t happen all at once, on their 18th birthday.

Growing up takes practice.

The more opportunities kids have to practice while the stakes are small, the more prepared they’ll be when the stakes get bigger.

And camp is so fun that most campers hardly notice how much practice they’re getting.