Here’s something we learned this summer:

Young people don’t mind giving up their phones.

They just don’t want to be the only one.

Jonathan Haidt calls this a “collective action problem”, and this term explains so much about what we’re seeing with kids and screens these days.

It’s not that teenagers are hopelessly addicted to their devices.

When you’re fifteen, your survival instincts are hyperfocused on not being left out of the group. Giving up your phone is hard, because it feels like volunteering to be left behind.

Research backs this up.

Studies have found that college students would actually pay money (pay their own money, you read that right!) to pause social media.

With just one caveat: they only want to pause if all their friends do, too.

The Challenge We’re All Facing

This collective action problem shows up everywhere once you start looking for it.

I was talking with a parent recently who told me about their daughter’s party with about ten friends. She suggested everyone put their phones in a basket so they could focus on games and talking. Eight kids were totally game.

But two refused, and the whole “experiment” collapsed.

Nobody wanted to be the only ones without their phones while others stayed connected.

For most of human history, kids competed for attention and validation within groups: school, neighborhood, community, etc.

Now they feel compelled to keep up with what’s happening among millions of people on social media.

This isn’t anyone’s fault (or at least not the kids’ or parents’ faults).

Parents didn’t and would never have created this new reality.

Kids definitely didn’t ask for it.

Which brings up one simple question: what can do we do about it?

Camp and the collective action problem

When kids get to camp, they’re entering one of the rare environments where everyone opts out together. Nobody has their phone. Not the campers, not the counselors, not the staff.

There’s no fear of being the only one left out because everyone is in the same boat (literally and figuratively).

That’s where the staff comes in. When a 21-year-old is cheering themselves hoarse rooting for their campers instead of checking Instagram, kids start to believe there might be something better than scrolling.

Or even better, they forget the digital world exists at all (even for a short time).

And then something cool happens…

When kids spend time away from devices, they start figuring out other ways to have fun.

They have real conversations. Face-to-face. With actual eye contact.

They’re fully present in a moment, even if they wouldn’t describe it that way.

This is what happens when we give kids “non-digital reps”.

Look, we’re not trying to send kids back to the Stone Age (or the 1990s). Nothing like that, and it wouldn’t be possible anyway.

We’re trying to show them what it was like during some of the great moments where devices didn’t dictate every part of life.

We’re in this together

Your kids are back in school, back on phones, back in the daily routine.

Camp doesn’t solve the phone problem forever. But it does something critically important. It shows kids they have the power to step away whenever they need to.

There are lots of ways we can intentionally interact in person, like having a party where everyone puts their phone in a basket.

And once they’ve spent a few weeks at camp, they know how good it can feel to take a break (especially if everyone else does too).

The hardest part about giving up your phone isn’t the phone itself. It’s feeling like you’re the only one.

At camp, they’re never the only one.

Erec Sir