I’m going to oversimplify this a bit, but I’ve been thinking about how kids build independence.

It looks something like this:

3 minutes - 3 hours - 3 days - 3 weeks - 3 months - 3 years - 3 decades

That’s pretty close to what the independence milestones look like throughout life. Let’s break them down:

• Three minutes is the first time you feel comfortable leaving your child out of your sight (maybe in a crib, or a playpen contraption).

• Three hours is the first morning they are in someone else’s care, like a babysitter or at daycare.

• Three days is that first long weekend sleepover with the grandparents or the cousins.

• Three weeks can be a hard gap to fill (we’ll come back to this one).

• Three months is the first semester away at college.

• Three years is the period after college, out in the world with a first job and a first apartment.

• And finally, three decades is settling down, starting a family, and getting into life for the long haul.

The math may be a little fuzzy, but it mostly tracks.

These milestones line up like a ladder that we climb as we build independence.

The Independence Ladder

Looking back over that list, I think it’s easy to recognize almost every stage. The steps form a natural ladder, with one level preparing us for the next.

I have a young nephew who is currently in the “three hour” stage. Half a day away from home, a few times a week, is no problem. Much more than that pushes his comfort zone (and that of his parents).

But they are growing together, and before too long he (and they) will be comfortable with a night away from home, and eventually a long weekend. I suspect the latter will happen when he is about 5 years old.

What happens after that? For some children, the next tangible step ends up being college when they’re 18.

There’s a big gap there.

The first night in a dorm at college can already feel daunting. If it’s also the first real stretch of time away from home, it becomes a huge leap.

That’s what makes the three week rung on the ladder so important.

Camp is among the few experiences that naturally fills that space.

It’s often the first attempt at that shorter-but-longer dose of a new place, new people, new surroundings.

For that reason, we’ve started thinking about camp as some of the best college prep kids can do.

What Parents Hope For

Now, one careful note, because this is easy to say the wrong way. This is not about wanting your child to leave.

I think most parents want to raise children who are able to stand on their own two feet, and who still maintain a connection with home. Who call and visit. Who tell you how it’s going out there in the world because they want to share it with you.

One of the many things that makes parenting hard is two sides of the same worry.

Worry about what will happen when you aren’t there, and worry about your kids being prepared to make it on their own. It’s one of the hardest balancing acts there is.

Camp gives you a preview of exactly that. A camper goes off, proves they can do it, and comes home lit up to tell you all about it.

They can handle it and they are still excited to come home.

The Stories Are the Point

A camper comes home after two or three weeks at camp with a hundred stories. The skit they were in. The friend from three states away. The thing they weren’t 100% sure of and did anyway.

In a few years, it will be the young adult who comes home for winter break saying “I loved this class, I joined this club, I made this friend,” and is genuinely happy to sleep in their own bed in their own bedroom.

The stories are fun to share, but they are also helping to build an identity of confidence, courage, and independence.

Shortly after that they will be on their way into those first three years of supporting themselves, and the three decades of career and family follows.

Every parent eventually dreams about that last rung. Three decades. A grown kid with a family of their own, set up for the long haul you got to enjoy as a parent. New adventures, new stories.

We all get there one rung at a time. The play date. The weekend away. The semester. The first apartment. The family.

The three-week rung is an important part of the journey.

Erec Sir