There’s a really weird thing about friction when it comes to parenting.

Adults hate friction. We spend a lot of time, energy, and money trying to avoid it.

But kids need friction, because it’s one of the best ways for them to learn and grow.

We can’t prepare the child for the road (instead of the road for the child) without allowing them to experience a little friction.

That means letting them solve problems, work through disagreements, make mistakes, and have things not go their way. The only way to expand their comfort zone is to step outside of it.

As an adult, that sounds like something I often don’t want to deal with.

But not only do we have to allow our kids to experience it, we have to have a hand in creating it for them?

Hard pass, please? 😅

The 70/25/5 Rule

Here’s how I think about a great summer camp experience.

About 70% should be pure fun.

Swimming in the lake. Playing games. Laughing with friends. Tubing, dance parties, ridiculous skits, and all the other things that make summer camp the highlight of a kid’s year.

Fun is the main event.

Another 25% should be building skills.

Learning to communicate, collaborate, lead, solve problems, and become more independent.

These are the durable skills that make camp so valuable. And the great thing is, most of this learning happens while kids are having fun.

And the last 5%? That’s the friction.

These are the little things that campers probably wouldn’t choose for themselves.

The lake is cold during morning swim. Their team loses at capture the flag. There are bugs flying around the campfire.

None of these are particularly difficult problems. But that’s kind of the point.

Campers get to practice handling little problems, in a safe environment, surrounded by friends and counselors who can help them when they need it.

A Pretty Good Deal for Parents, Too

As adults, we know our kids need to experience friction.

But we don’t always love being the ones to deal with it.

It’s hard to watch your child struggle when you know you could make the problem go away.

And most of the time, when you’re trying to get everyone out the door in the morning, it’s a whole lot easier to pack their backpack for them than to turn it into a character-building experience.

Camp offers a pretty nice solution.

We’ll provide the cold lake water.

We’ll provide the spiderwebs in the bathroom rafters.

We’ll provide the cabinmate who doesn’t always see things the same way.

And we’ll surround those experiences with friendship, laughter, encouragement, and an enormous amount of fun.

Kids get the opportunity to grow. Parents get to cheer them on(!) when they come home and tell the stories.

And we get to watch campers grow stronger, summer after summer.

Erec Sir